In the game of baseball you get 3 strikes and then you’re out. With a HUGE piece of luck, Hollywood will adopt the same set of rules and NEVER LET SAM RAIMI DIRECT A FILM AGAIN!

If you though the first two films in the heavily over-marketed Spiderman franchise were boring, lacked plot and displayed terrible acting in buckets, then you won’t be disappointed with the most recent effort. Director Sam Raimi (Evil Dead I, II & III, Darkman, etc) takes the special effects ridiculousness to new levels in this installation, attempting to divert audience attention from the pathetic lead actors in every scene – which may work in some of Arnie’s more profitable moofies, but in a film that reportedly cost more than $250,000,000 US Dollars, it just looks weak.

The incredibly deep, complex storyline involves Spiderman & his alter ego, Peter Parker (played underwhelmingly by Tobey Maguire… no relation to Eddy) experiencing relationship troubles with his girlfriend, Mary Jane (Kirsten ‘talent incarnate’ Dunst). At the same time, a mysterious substance arrives on Earth in a meteorite and begins to have an ‘evil’ effect on Spiderman. Meanwhile, some guy is being chased by the cops when he stumbles over a fence bearing a sign which reads: “Danger: Particle Experimentation Facility”. As you can probably guess, he quickly becomes a super-villain known as Sandman… blah, blah, blah.

I have no idea how they manage to keep getting budgets for these movies. The first film in this trilogy of excrement was so lacklustre and uninventive that it’s hard to imagine the cinemas not being emptied within 30 minutes of the opening credits. The fact that the 2002 Spiderman film is the 7th largest grossing film of all time is a complete mystery to me.

I think the kids need more Ritalin.

Rating: 0.5/5