Currently residing in the “Why Are They Still Here?” file, Sam Fox graces us with a new CD that is about as subtle as a boxed set of ‘Benny Hill:Titty Titty Bang Bang’ DVD’s.
 
I will say that when I was thirteen I used to place phallus in hand and shoot the first spurts of my gooey manhood aimed at my ‘Sam Fox topless with Boxing Gloves’ poster on my bedroom wall. Unfortunately, her music never gave me the same screaming orgasmic kick.
 
Fox, whose breasts first rose to stardom in the mid 80’s (her body followed a few weeks later), enjoyed a string of hits in the 1980’s & was ambassador to the UN, famously shot at by both warring factions in Bosnia in the mid 1990s (at least the Serbs and Croats could agree on something: that Sam Fox was an enemy of humanity).
 
Sam’s curvaceous 36D-cup fun-bags, which looked disproportionately large on her diminutive 5 ft 1 inch frame, quickly made her an iconic figure and someone who made newspaper pages stick together. At least thirty UK teens contracted genital herpes from her many X-rated pictorials.

Months after she started modelling, she famously insured her breasts for a quarter of a million pounds sterling, just in case they may dislodge themselves from her body and bounce the Hell away because they couldn’t stand her fucking disgusting singing.
 
 Sammy’s 1986 pop smash duet, a complex visionary exploration of the human psyche, “Touch Me (I want your body), was an enormous hit in both the UK and the US . The next singles "Do Ya, Do Ya (Wanna Please Me)" written as an expose on the duality of man, and her musical essay on the nature versus nurture debate: “Naughty Girls (Need Love Too)" went Platinum, Gold, Silver and Sperm.

One insightful reviewer described these early masterpieces as ‘frothy, sexually suggestive dance-pop with good beats and sketchy melodies’ but they are described by me as ‘eye snot set to muzak’.
 
Samantha Fox became a born again Christian in the mid 1990s, but she allowed the Devil to keep her tits. She toured the big hotspots like Siberia and India, and possibly even parts of the Ocean to try and keep her career afloat, but her asset began to fade away as she plunged from D to C top B cup and her legion of masturbatory fans dwindled and her career headed as South as her top bollocks did.
 
 Since then, her ‘producers’ (who are wanted by the ‘Good Taste Police’) have set the cookie cutter switch to “fuckin’ dull electro 80’s pop. Tellingly, this nu Sammy CD finishes with a nu version of “Touch Me” which has now been released over 34,000 times in 56 different languages, and 4 different sets of genitals. You can even get the fuckin’ thing in Braille for Christ’s sake (which is good in that copping a feel of Sam in Braille is spiritual, compared with copping a dose of ‘ear clap’ from the sound).

 Why music fans continue to obsess over Bob Dylan’s lyrical prowess when we have a TRUE visionary like Sam Fox is beyond me. Check out these Pulitzer prize winning pieces of poetic diahoerea from the new CD:

“Angel with an attitude, spreading my wings of solitude”- Good Lord, give me cancer  now!
“ So why do we pleasure the pain, naked alone get out of the rain, just like a child, misunderstood, You’re not to blame”- must kill everyone, where is gun?
Track 6 “You & Me” sample: “Surrounded by strangers, and I never knew your face before, now I know that it’s you & it’s me, what’s it gonna be?” –BANG! (my head blowing off it’s rollers after shotgun blast)
 
Patti Smith, Amy Winehouse, P.J Harvey, Lily Allen, eat your heart out, Sam Fox has real heart and the Titanic (yet saggy)left  boob to prove where it is.

2 over-exposed nip nips out of 5.