Let’s face it, the world is fascinated by cults. Twisted meglomaniacs with apocalyptic visions make for great TV movies and have everyone craning their necks for a better view of the next religious car crash. 

But who’s big in Cultland? What institution has made the biggest impact on society in terms of death and mayhem and who is the Britney Spears of misguided faith?

All important questions, I’m sure you will agree. So The Scene has compiled a list of your top God-fearing psychos, complete with a round up of all their best work on the Satanic circuit.

1. The People’s Temple
Jim Jones believed himself to be a reincarnation of both Jesus and Lenin, but was actually the stupid son of a racist clan leader. He moved his operation from San Francisco to South America in 1977 and started his own society, but things got a bit hairy after he killed an investigating congressman and a few journos. He solved the problem by talking his 900 followers into swallowing poison before topping himself.

2. Branch Davidians
Davis Koresh was a failed pop star who turned his attention to Doomsday prophesies when he realized he wasn’t going to be the next Donny Osmond. He was also a poster boy for the NRA right up until he started shooting at the authorities when they knocked at his front door for a chat. By the time the army was storming his compound (leaving 86 people dead inside) Charlton Heston had removed him from the association’s Christmas card list for good.

3. Order of the Solar Temple
You cannot be Sirius! Still a going concern, this modern day suicide club has achieved notoriety around the globe after convincing members that it would be a good idea to take their own lives while wearing large plastic bags on their heads.  Leaders claimed that members would then be transported to the planet Sirius for a bit of a holiday and therefore should definitely consider taking the kids and a few of their friends.

4. Heaven’s gate
Plastic bags? Pah! This freak club suggests black Nike sneakers and purple shrouds make for the most appropriate outfit when checking out. That way followers are sure to look good aboard the spaceship that’s coming from behind a comet to ferry everyone away to another world far beyond Hale-Bopp. Riiight.

5. The Church of the Lamb of God
Putting the ‘mental’ into fundamental was Mormon polygamist Ervil LeBaron, who thought that killing and shagging as many people as possible was the best vehicle for truly knowing God. With 20 wives and more kids than a Wiggles gig, LeBaron passed the family business onto his son Aaron, who did a sterling job of landing a 45 year prison sentence for a range of crimes including bloody murder.

6. Constanzo and Aldrete
Bisexual male model jesus Constanzo ran a successful drug smuggling ring in Mexico which ritually sacrificed its competition to ensure he and his partner would be invisible. Nobody cared about the missing gangsters, but when the pair kidnapped and killed a college student for kicks, the authorities woke up and discovered a large number of dismembered bodies in the couple’s garden. Constanzo was killed in a police shoot out, while his estranged girlfriend Aldrete moved on to become one of Mexico’s leading schizophrenics.

7. Asahara and the Aum Supreme Truth
This one sounds like the title of a Harry potter movie, but the reality is way more out there. Blind leader Shoko Asahara used to sell his hair and bathing water to disciples, insisiting they treat him as though he were a living God. He also suggested they kick off the apocalypse by releasing sarin gas onto the Tokyo subway during rush hour in order to murder a few non-compliant judges. The judges lived, a bunch of commuters were killed and Asahara now spends his time sewing mailbags for the Lord.

8. Charles Manson and The family
When your mum is a teenage alcoholic prostitute who puts No Name Maddox on your birth certificate and your step dad makes you wear a dress to school to toughen you up, you’re bound to end up murdering someone. Manson’s first career choice was to be a rock n roll singer, but his fall-back position was to be a psychotic killer with an army of blood-thirsty women in tow. Indirectly killed 9 people, including his own defense lawyer….another genius move.

9. Jeffrey Lundgren
I’ve always said that people who like to have excrement rubbed into their chest while they preach details of the imminent apocalypse shouldn’t be given guns, but that’s me. As a member of the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter day saints, Lundgren (or Jeb7 as he preferred) beat his followers, masturbated furiously and eventually killed an entire family in the hope that God would take his anger out on them instead. It didn’t work.

10. Yahweh Ben Yahwey and the Temple of Love
Yahweh Ben Yahweh reckons that black folk are the lost tribe of Isreal and that Jews and whites are nothing but devil spawn. Surprising then that he chose to call his little club the Church of Love before killing 14 of its detractors in cold blood.  Beheading was a particular favourite when it came to worship, but stabbing a homeless dude as he slept would work just as well.

If you enjoyed reading this, why not start your own cult? Below is a clip outlining the best ways to set up your hate society, including help with 'guilt inducement' and 'information control'.  Don't forget to drop us a line and let us know how its going.