D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

It’s never much fun, but when your bank balance is larger than that of most African nations, divorce is ugly and trial separation is really just about stalling the opposition while you hide the cash.

so here are 10 of the best messy breakups, complete with a match report and verdict.

Feel free to add to the list, or maybe you would prefer to prostitute yourself so that you end up on next year’s round up.

It really is so much better than having a career.

	Christy Brinkley & Peter Cook Cook’s suicide threat suggest Brinkley won this battle, but don’t forget he’s been sleeping around with a bevy of sexy 18 year old models, which helps. Brinkley has also been seen hanging out with ex-squeeze Billy Joel, so it looks like she’s been beaten fair and square.
	Paul McCartney & Heather Mills The mother of all divorces. Heather’s gold-digging attracted no sympathy from the British public, but it did encourage the media to exhaust every possible wooden leg joke for almost a year. “She hasn’t got a leg to stand on!” they echoed, again and again. Hilarious. As for the winner? Probably Rupert Murdoch.
	Sonny & Cher Marital bickering became part of Sonny and Cher’s stage show, with audiences more than happy to laugh along with the misfortunes of their heroes. So much so in fact, the dodgy cabaret act was picked up by TV so that all of America could enjoy the misery. When they were divorced, he got the death-skis and she got the vocoder. So probably 50/50.
	Mick Jagger & Jerry Hall He's a womanizer and she's a Texan, so nobody in this relationship could claim to be innocent. Mick went on to father a baby with a Brazilian beauty, while Jerry is now the star of a cradle-snatching reality TV show. Yes Mick, you won hands down.
	Bill Murray & Jennifer Butler He may not be in a rock n roll band, but Bill Murray’s estranged wife says he’s totally down with the sex and drugs side of things. Marijuana and alcohol are his vices allegedly, along with an obsessive compulsion to sleep with loose women. But who doesn’t have that? No winner yet, but Jen is definitely favorite.
	Burt Reynold &  Loni Anderson Details of the settlement were kept secret, so there’s no way of knowing what happened to the fake teeth, hair and breasts. But Hollywood’s most famous 80s couple was not so shy about abusing one another in public forums from here to Karachi. At last, a decent performance. Both loose.
	Lucille Ball & Desi Arnaz The first time this couple parted company, they changed their minds and got back together. Maybe it was the media’s insistence that it was a publicity stunt that made them reconsider and split once more. That, and Desi’s inability to keep his pecker in his pants. “I will miss him until the day I die” declared Ball, “ But I don't regret divorcing him. I just couldn't take it anymore." WTF? No winners here either.
	Hulk and Linda Hogan After 24 years of matrimony to the Hulk, Linda Hogan decided she didn’t like him when he was angry, happy, sad, up down, whatever. So, in line with the staged antics of his low-brow profession, she chose to publically dump her oversized man via the media. The first ‘Ole No-Neck’ knew was when a reporter asked why his wife had left town.  Small and cunning wins the race.
	Donald and Ivana Trump Possibly the most unattractive couple in history, everyone assumed this one would last. But the hair, the weird accent, the painfully crass demeanor, they all took their toll. “Don’t get mad, get everything” she famously declared. Wonder if that includes a period of self-loathing and debilitating regret? Ivana wins for cleverly rejecting custody of the hairpiece.
	Britney Spears &Kevin Federline She was the queen of tween pop, he was her backing dancer. If she didn’t notice the large dollar signs forming on the front of his eyeballs, she deserves everything she got. But can you imagine being considered less sophisticated than a guy who wears a brown velvet track suit? No wonder she went nuts. K-Fed gets the points (and the kids apparently).

Honorable mentions...

And here are a few honorable mentions for the couples who broke up without the need for death threats, court costs and a world of public humiliation. They may be boring, but they’ve discovered dignity through maturity. How very ‘Dr Phil’.

Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra
Bruce Willis and Do-Me Moore
Chris Robinson and Kate Hudson