There was a time when becoming a celebrity meant that you remained aloof from the public and kept your private life locked behind paparazzi-free doors.

These days however, many of Hollywood’s best paid pretenders are finding it hard to keep even their private PARTS hidden from view, while celebrity sex tapes appear on the net with more regularity than that chick off the Metamucil ads.

It’s a busy time for teenage boys and bored housewives alike, with Paris, Mimi, Colin and Rob all happy to help negotiate a sneaky download before bed.

And if that's your goal, here are our favourites from the last few years in no particular order. At the scene HQ, we have absolutely no idea whether these malicious rumours are true, but if you think the internet is for telling the truth you’re in for a nasty shock.

	PARIS HILTON The most famous of all the celebrity nose dives at her most ridiculous. Not even going to jail surpassed the shame of being slammed by her bogan boyfriend while the world watched on. But it’s great that she’s carving out her own career, don’t you think? Mummy and Daddy must be so proud.
	MIMI McPHERSON Not the most exciting way to spend a Friday night, as Ms McPherson’s input is about as stimulating as an episode of Miss Marple. I’m sure there must be other ways to outshine your sister, Mimi.
	ROB LOWE Were it not for the participants being still in school, Mr Lowe would have scored some cred for this one. But alas they were, and he was lucky not to have repeated the routine in a prison cell with a couple of tattooed murderers.
	JORDAN Getting pregnant BEFORE your porno debut isn’t the usual approach, but the world’s favourite slutty nobody doesn’t go by the book. Poor old Jordan had to marry a sexually ambiguous knucklehead to draw attention away from this ‘promotional’ clip.
	PAMMY AND TOMMY We all know money can’t buy you taste, but this home movie proves that if you’ve got enough cash you really don’t need it. Watching Tommy Lee honking his boat horn with an oversized chopper may be funny, but it hardly constitutes an aphrodisiac now does it?
	COLIN FARRELL Our drunken little Irish friend paid good money to keep this one a secret, only to discover that You Tube has no morals. No cash, no pants, no self respect....welcome to Hollywood.
	BRITNEY AND KEVIN Obviously filmed before the divorce, this R rated horror movie will make you glad you never joined the Mickey Mouse Club. M-I-C…..see you’ve got your gear off, K-E-Y…..why? Because you’re skanky.
	ANNA NICOLE SMITH No surprises here, right? I know it’s not nice to speak ill of the dead, buy there’s a name for celebrity drug dustbins who marry coffin dodgers specifically for cash…..Anna Nicole farkn Smith. Her son isn’t dead, he’s hiding because he’s embarrassed.
	SUZANNE SHAW Hearsay’s wayward singer wanted to break away from her squeaky clean image and thought that getting a reputation as a dirty old bitch might help the cause. It did. Since leaving the band, she has gone on to critical acclaim for her performance in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. How appropriate.
	JOHN LESLIE Not too well known in Oz, but well worth mentioning. Leslie was a British childrens’ TV presenter in the 80s, right up until he was accused of sexual assault by Ulrika Johnson and a host of others. Soon after that, he was busted in a three way spa party with a couple of teenage honeys and a sizable bag of powdered joy. Presumably his first words upon being caught would have been “here’s one I shagged earlier”.

Dishonourable mentions:

Jo Beth Taylor - no-one has seen it, but it still ruined her career
Jennifer Kyte - now that's headline news
Deborah Byrne - from bath to barf
Eva Longoria - let's hope this one is true
Tonya Harding - before violent kneecappings there was porn
Jenna Lewis - Survivor winners will do anything to get a head
Tom Sizemore - dated Heidi Fleiss and avoided drug tests by using a fake willy