My how things have changed.

It wasn’t all that long ago that Madonna was the hottest property on the planet, with celebrity cling-ons doing flips and twists just to hang out and pretend to be good friends with the Queen of Pop.

But Madge is now 50, she’s a mum and housewife, and the once endless list of devotees seems to have dried up, just like the bingo wings she’s developed under her arms.

This week hubby Guy Richie threw a $200,000 party in her honour, and invited a who’s who of the worlds best looking folk.

But unfortunately many couldn’t make it, leaving Mrs Richie to wallow in her own, over-produced self pity.

Those that did front up were ‘treated’ to a 40 minute speech from the birthday girl, as she philosophized over her illustrious and sometimes filthy career.

“There are a lot of people who are not here tonight, but thanks to everyone who did make it,” she told the crowd.

Next year she plans see a movie instead.