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The Oscars: Twiggy's red carpet round up

Twiggy Stardust - 26 Feb 2008

The annual cattle auction that's the Oscars, is a bit like Jay-Z’s penis, in that it’s way too long and not at all fair (not my call, but apparently he’s got one the size of "a 2litre Pepsi bottle").

The results of this self indulgent shindig often appear fixed or way off the mark, while the presenters (who are the highest paid actors in the world) are completely incapable of reading cue cards without stumbling.

BUT…..the one part that everyone looks forward to is the red carpet glamour parade that precedes the event.

Here the best suits and frocks are matched up with the sexiest people and, assuming they can all avoid Richard ‘How did I get this job’ Wilkins, the combination can be stunning.

Not always obviously, but sometimes.

Below, our resident trash scribe Twiggy Stardust studies the form and gives us her pick of Hollywood’s A list, both good and bad.

Because it’s great to win an award for best actress, but what’s the point if you’re dressed “like a carp that lay dying on the banks of Lake Colac”.

Well put.

	Jessica Alba Interesting battle for a bridesmaid's dress that wrestled with an ostrich on the way to the awards…Pregnant Alba looked like she stepped straight from an 80’s wedding album in plum chiffon with a spray of feathers and hair by a Swedish milk maid.
	Cate Blanchett I’m putting this fashion faux pas down to Blanchett’s muddled head in the late stages of pregnancy. Sequinned appliqué flowers, with navy satin that did not flatter her bump and a hem that revealed some very unattractive silver shoes, possibly from Payless.
	Heidi Klum By far the best look of the night, Klum sexed up the red carpet in a Dracula inspired Galliano gown. I have no idea why she was there, but for the sake of style I am glad she was.
	Marion Cotillard Best Actress winner turned up to the Oscars looking like a Carp that lay dying on the banks of Lake Colac. Fish-like scales on this dress missed the mark and I love a stand out gown, but to me this one stood out for all the wrong reasons.
	Nicole Kidman I.Hate.This.Outfit. The complicated necklace, paired with a black satin gown that was far too short, botoxed brow and enhanced lips – no redeeming feature, her style is sinking faster than her career.
	Cameron Diaz What has Cameron Diaz done in the past year that could have possibly kept her running so late she couldn’t make it to a hairdresser? The bed hair look is old and the beige dress was drab,creating an overall a dull look for the red carpet.
	Johnny Depp Always one of the best on show, Depp oozed his individual, but tired style as he added a 'librarian meets grunge god' feel to the red carpet.
	George Clooney Needs a blonde on his arm to perfect his transformation into a living Ken Doll.
	Tilda Swinton This intriguing red haired albino always does her own bizarre fashion thing. This is a positive because Glad would run out of garbage bags if everyone adopted Swinton’s look.
	Javier Bardem From sadistic hit man with strong principals and page boy haircut, to smouldering Spaniard who could do no wrong on the red carpet. Javier has rocketed straight to the top of my personal most wanted list (sorry Johnny, I need a real man).
	Miley Cyrus Why was this 15 year old, Mickey Mouse Club-esque, hooker make-up wearing, child at the Oscars? She should have been tucked into bed with a glass of warm milk, not tramping it up on the red carpet (even if she was wearing Valentino).