As a girl who measures in at 5”11, I find it difficult to imagine what it would be like in bed with someone who is just 2”8 – luckily for me, Verne Troyer aka Mini Me has made a sex tape with ex-girlfriend (who still lives with him) Renae Shrider.

Following the grand tradition of nobodies who sleep with Z-listers, Renae has shared some of their most intimate details and hilarity has ensued…

Renae has claimed Verne detested her Maltese terrier because when it stood on its back legs (as dogs so often do) it was taller than him.

Prior to making their sex tape, Renae ran a bubble bath and managed to miscalculate both the depth of the water and the amount of bubbles, almost drowning Verne, who was unable to stand up in the 3ft deep “it was like he’d fallen into the deep end of a swimming pool – and he can’t swim. I put my hand under and eventually felt his bald head”.

Just to get this over as quickly as possible, I will gloss over the main points referring to Verne’s performance in the sack –

• He’s ‘quite well endowed’
• Enjoys watching himself on screen
• Was unable to kiss Renae any higher than her stomach when doing the deed
• Had sex with her not one, not two, but three times in 20 minutes

I think I may go and have a cigarette now…or perhaps a bottle of Vodka to rid these images from my mind…