John Howard and his team of monkeys recently suggested that we all carry an emergency bag around with us, to be used in the event of a natural disaster or terrorist attack.

The bag should contain a range of products designed to help us survive in the mayhem, from a handy (but often forgotten) can opener to the rather more bizarre suggestion of a pillow case to keep you cat in.

Now, I’m not sure if any of you have owned a cat, but the one I pander to would have my arm off if I tried to jam his fluffy little arse into a sack while the house and contents burned around us. It would be easier to transport a hippo in a suitcase than lose most of the blood in my upper body trying to trap Leroy with linen.

No doubt the reason for Howard’s ridiculous moggy-baiting suggestion is that he’s expecting to increase his party’s share of hysteria-fuelled votes at the election this year. Whether that works remains to be seen, but the ‘Go Bag’ has certainly sparked an interesting debate, as well as some great ideas for its contents.

Here are some of the suggestions from around the Scene offices.

	HOLY BOOKS One of each until you know who’s attacking you.
	GOOD COFFEE Running around in a frenzy is stressful enough, without trying to do it caffeine-free.
	iPOD Death and destruction almost seems appropriate when you’re listening to Slayer.
	SHOE BOX To keep all your other pets safe and on hand.
	SNIFFER DOG For recognizing terrorists easily.
	COMPLETE ‘FRIENDS’ BOXSET Mindless situation comedies can make total anarchy seem OK.
	SLIPPERS The apocalypse can get quite chilly you know.
	HARRY POTTER BOOK Imagine sitting in the aftermath of a nuclear attack, wondering if Harry Potter dies or if Hermione and Ron get jiggy.
	EAR DEFENDERS To prevent any further Government suggestions reaching your ears.