We all let out a sigh when we heard Christopher Reeve had passed away. We shed a tear over River Phoenix’s untimely demise. Our hearts sank when Heath Ledger’s short but illustrious career ended abruptly.

But what about when Fatty Arbuckle drank himself to death after being acquitted of rape and murder at a house party in the 30s?

What about when William Holden got smashed, fell over, bumped his head on a table and bled to death during lunch?

Detailed below are some of the wackest celebrity tales of mayhem and death since Elizabeth Short was found cut into two bit size chunks in an LA parking lot during the fifties.

None of the names have ben changed because nobody on this list is innocent, but images may have been altered to make the article slightly funnier.

Hey, you’re not reading the New York Post so chill the fuck out.

	Fatty Arbuckle He may have looked all fat and chirpy on the old movies, but being charged with the rape and brutal murder of an aspiring actress can bring you down a bit. He survived 3 trials in total, but not the copious quantities of hooch he ingested attempting to forget the whole thing once out of the courtroom.
	Attila the Hun Legend has it (and that’s as close to the truth as we need), the man who twice kicked the Roman Empire in the Balkans bled to death after experiencing a particularly nasty nose bleed on his wedding night. Oh how his widow would have laughed when she recalled how the most angsty man on the planet asked for a tissue then passed out and turned purple.
	Sonny Bono Bono’s skis were going downhill quicker than his career when a tree did what his record company should have done years ago and stopped him in his tracks. Cher was distraught and re-released I Got You Babe, although clearly she didn’t mean all of him (the rest left to forever fertilize the green run at Mount BLAH).
	Albert Dekker This actor and Californian Legislator committed suicide by hanging in 1968, which on its own would have been relatively unremarkable. But the fact that he was wearing his wife’s dress and make-up helped push the story beyond the small print and all the way up to the front page. Do you think he was trying to tell us something?
	Isadora Duncan Being stylish has its dangers. In 1927, the famous actress jumped into the passenger seat of Benoit Falchetto’s sports car and declared “Goodbye my loves, I’m off to glory”. Unfortunately her particular brand of glory involved having her oversized scarf wrapped around the wheel of the car and strangling her to death. Should have gone the beanie.
	Vic Morrow While making a movie version of The Twilight Zone, stunt man Morrow was decapitated by the blades of a rather large helicopter he was jumping out of. There’s nothing else to say about this one…..the story is fucking hilarious all on its own.
	Rasputin After the poisoned wine he was offered didn’t kill him, his enemies fed him arsenic. When the arsenic didn’t work they shot him. When the bullets failed to stop the kooky monk, they stabbed him repeatedly. When even that wasn’t enough to end his life, they took him to the river and drowned his sorry arse. No wonder Boney M though he was worth writing a song about.
	Cass Elliot ‘Plus-sized’ singer with 60’s group The Mamas and Papas, Elliot was quietly avoiding the excesses of America’s social revolution when she choked to death on a sandwich. The hippy movement resisted the urge to label her a ‘bread head’, but no-one could argue that she really was the biggest loser.
	Jeff Porcaro While the other members of dodgy 80s band Toto were busy inhaling anything they could lay their gubby little hands on, poor Jeff used his spare time to tend the roses in his back yard. Unfortunately for him, the pesticide he was using didn’t care for Toto’s music and choked him to death on the lawn. Lesson? Chose drugs not buds.
	Elizabeth Short She was found in a car park in 1957, chopped in half, drained of blood and with cuts from the corners of her moth to her ears. Nobody has ever been charged but police are fairly certain it wasn’t suicide. So far 60 people have confessed to the murder, though none were in a position to have carried out the brutal crime. Personally I think it was Corey Worthington, he’s trouble.