You may as well call them 'Please Punch Me In The Face' and 'Steal My Money'

Zuma Nesta Rock – The new addition to Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale’s family appears to have been named after a South American tourist destination. But at least the pressure is off older brother Kingston Rossdale (not Kingston Jamaica) who was the last victim of the pair’s misplaced sophistication attempts.

Rumer Glenn, Scout LaRue and Tallulah Belle – Borderline child abuse from Demi (or is that Do Me?) Moore and baldy ex, Bruce Willis. But that’s OK, the kids are now being looked after by a new step daddy (who coincidentally was in the same school year as Rumer).
Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa, Pixie and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily – If I was one of Bob Geldof’s kids I’d expect my own benefit concert for sure. These names have clearly been plucked from a vegan recipe book, but unfortunately they were not distributed evenly (poor old Peaches got the lion share).
Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen – No doubt Frank Zappa’s long suffering kids would have attracted their fair share of attention from the bullies at their school. But at least they could play Dad’s music to frighten off any would-be attackers and folk singers.
Jermajesty – Quick, someone call the authorities. Naming your baby Jermajesty is the appellative equivalent of giving it a good shake before bedtime, so even without the freaky Jackson family genes he’d be royally fucked.
Saffron Sahara  - It seems Simon and Yasmin LeBon have inadvertently mixed up the baby name and recipe books while busily snorting coke and buying expensive yachts. The result is a daughter bearing purple flowers and aromatic orange stigmas. They should have called her Rio.
God'iss Love and Heaven Love'on - Lil' Mo and Al Stone may find God’iss Pissed when they eventually meet him at the Pearly Gates. But his rage is nothing compared to the tanty the kids will chuck after their first proper pasting at school.
Geronimo – Blur’s Alex James is going to have a hell of a time trying to stop his son jumping off the garage roof when he’s seven. Maybe he could call the next one ‘Paralyzed’ or ‘Fractured Skull’.
Speck Wildhorse and Hud – Not content with having the worst hair and music taste of the last 30 years, John Cougar Mellencamp decided to further the stupidity of his own daft surname by calling his kids Speck Wildhorse and Hud. They would have preferred Jack and Dianne, surely.
Audio Science - Shannyn Sossamon and Dallas Clayton decided to dispense with tradition and name their kid after a nostaligic meander through an old school text book. OK, fair enough. That one’s pretty cool.